I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
