i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
These tits shall not be calmed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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