apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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