Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
