do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
