Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
