Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
