White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
