Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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