Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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