Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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