Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize