He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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