I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
