im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
