there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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