Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
