Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
