I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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