guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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