I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
