So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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