I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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