you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
