His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
