I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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