is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
