it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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