My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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