She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
