So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
