Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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