How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
