i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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