hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize