Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
