My underwear smells like fireworks.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
