Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
