all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
