new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
