If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
