This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
