i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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