is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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