Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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