So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
