I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
