After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
