Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
