Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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