Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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