i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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