we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize