just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
