i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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