I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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