So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
