She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
