Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
