to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish you could order shots online.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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