So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You made out with two different species that night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
