Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to have your abortion
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize