So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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