Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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