Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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