I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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