I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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