Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
